‘New year, new me’ unchanged woman says for fifth year running

By Eoin Molloy

annoying-girl

32 year old Glasnevin native and mature student at NUI Galway, Lucille Kendrick, took to Twitter on the 1 of January to let her 58 followers know that ‘2015 will be the year of the new Luce’.

Ms Kendrick, who is currently studying Public and Social Policy at our fine college, also promised to ‘give up the junk and go on the dry for the whole month of January’.

Seven days later, this reporter noticed that Lucille’s Twitter feed featured pictures of ‘her and the girlies’ enjoying cocktails at an undisclosed Galway bar.

When contacted by TAB, Lucille initially denied drinking the now infamous cocktails.

‘I wasn’t even sure if there was alcohol in them or not, like,’ Lucille implored. She went on to say that ascertaining the alcohol content in a Pina Colada is impossible as they are ‘fruitier than Derek Mooney’.

We dug deeper and eventually, Lucille broke down into tears, sobbing uncontrollably about breaking her promises for the New Year just days into January the past five years in a row.

Unfortunately, Lucille’s tears are just a tiny part of a yearly culture of failing willpower and broken dreams.

According to a completely not made-up survey by the Cayman Island-based research group, Dodgey and Co., 82% of New Years’ resolutions end in disappointment and or tears around midway through January.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s