Irish motorists to face penalty points for farting while driving under new legislation

By Eoin Molloy

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Minister for Transport Paschal Donohoe today announced a slew of new-fangled ways for the government to raise revenue, or make our roads safer, I mean.

Speaking ex-cathedra from his pulpit in the Dail chamber, the Taoiseach Enda Kenny confirmed that drivers will now be fined and receive penalty points for a whole host of driving offences, without ever having to appear in court.

The following are now punishable offences: elderly folk found driving without their special new ‘E’ plate, bus drivers waving at one another and, strangest of all, farting while driving and holding the windows shut.

The Tanaiste Joan Burton stepped in to defend the new changes in a statement that echoed her expensive mobile phone gaffe. She said that ‘generally people who cannot afford chauffeurs aren’t educated enough to drive properly’.

Burton then dismissed repeated calls of ‘nanny state’ across the floor from Mary Lou McDonald, claiming that various ex-IRA members used to drive without NCT in the seventies, or something.

TAB Magazine’s Dail insider can exclusively confirm that these new rules for dishing out penalty points to drivers were indeed drawn up by a civil servant who cycles to work.

More to follow as we get it.

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