EU Considers Banning Russia From Eurovision Over Standoff in Crimea

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Brussels.

Sources report that in a fax sent earlier today, the European Council has issued a direct ultimatum to the Kremlin urging President Putin to desist from using further military action in the Crimea, should they ever wish to participate in the Eurovision again.

This comes as a response to Russian troops entering the Crimean peninsula, seizing administrative buildings and airfields, as well as demanding that Ukrainian troops stationed at military bases surrender by 5am tomorrow morning, or face the almighty wrath of President-for-life Putin.

The statement, signed by the foreign ministers of all 25 member states, dictates that should Russia fail to evacuate all military personnel from the Crimea, the EU will be ‘very very disappointed’, and will consider imposing sanctions on Moscow, including the afore-mentioned ban from the Eurovision.

This proposal has been met with widespread hostility in the former Soviet Union, with the country recording its last win in the fabled song contest in 2008.

Speaking in an interview with national network, Russia Today Putin said should the EU decide to go ahead and ban Russia from the Eurovision, which is immensely popular in the country, then they will simply create their own song contest, which will be titled: ‘Glorious Song Choosings of the Russian Federation’ and will be judged by none other than Putin himself.

The wily autocrat also added  in a statement that if ‘they (the EU) don’t like my actions then they can either get used to living without Russian gas or they can Crimea river.’

More to follow as we get it..

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